Effects of Labels on Children

“Mommy,” your child cries, “He called me stupid.” This verbal abuse is mostly overlooked in our society, but it can and does have lasting effects on a child. Words hurt. As adults we can probably still remember the sting of the word’s stamp of disapproval. Therefore, it is important to fully understand the effects of labels on children so that as caring parents, we can avoid hurting our children in this way.

Every child needs to feel loved, accepted and respected in order to grow up to be an emotionally healthy adult. Using negative labels to discipline a child will be counterproductive, as children will then often give up when they feel defeat. “Mom thinks I’m a loser anyway, why not be the best at being naughty?” Johnny reasons.

Labels produce negative reactions, and when used often, can become emotionally damaging to the child. Children look up to their parents; thus, the damage is especially reprehensible. There is no justification for any parent to belittle a child. Addressing the child’s behavior in a negative manner can lead to a myriad of problems. The child may develop low self-esteem, increased erratic behavior, and affect their inter-relationship with siblings and peers. As adults they may mimic this behavior with their own children, their spouse and subordinates at work.
[ad#ad-2] Parents normally lose their temper. We’ve all done it! However when it is directed towards the child, who may not understand the reasons behind the outburst, it can produce devastating effects. Conversely, it may cause the child to lose respect for the parent or tune them out. It is vital for us to set a good example and sincerely apologize, using words that the child understands.

As a parent, it is your duty to ensure the child knows he or she is loved, at that very moment, and not put it off for another day. The fear and disappointment the child feels must be addressed with an apology, and/or an explanation. Some parents reason that it’s better for the child to think they’re right all the time, but this is not a loving stance. It’s far better for our children to see us modeling appropriate behavior. We all make mistakes, and it’s what we do after our mistake to set things right that makes us either loving individuals or emotional vampires.

Disciplinary action of a child must never be accompanied by harsh words. If necessary, take a break to collect your thoughts and calm down. Think before you say anything further. Take a time out for yourself to breathe, pray, write a journal… perhaps have the child take a time out. Later, talk to the child about why the behavior was disciplined – then hug the child and reassure them of your love for him or her.

Words can impact a child’s life either positively and negatively. If you, as a parent, cannot control what you say to your kids, get some help. Oftentimes we overreact as parents to our kids because of our own emotional hurts that are unresolved from the past. We owe it to ourselves and our kids to learn a new way of being with others in order to ensure our child’s long term health and well being.

photo credit: Tina Keller

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